Journey to Self-Love

Journey to Self-Love: Overcoming a Lifetime of Self-Doubt
At 39, I found myself staring in the mirror, repeating affirmations like “I love myself,” “I am
worthy,” and “I am enough,” hoping to cultivate healthy thought patterns that I didn’t fully
believe. Decades of self-doubt and criticism had carved deep grooves in my mind, making self-
love feel unattainable.

How had I gotten here? Why couldn’t I believe that I was worthy or enough? Shouldn’t this be
ingrained in us naturally? Self-love is crucial for our emotional well-being, but it becomes more
challenging as we get older if we haven’t been nurturing it throughout our lives. Our deeply
ingrained thought patterns and lifelong beliefs about ourselves are hard to change.

You know how in grade school, everyone has assigned seats, and you stick to that same seat
year after year? We do this in life too. Even in college, where you can sit anywhere, most of us
still choose the same spot every time. We cling to the familiar, even when it’s not serving us
well. Our thoughts follow the same pattern; we get so used to them that changing feels
uncomfortable, even when it’s causing us harm.

So, it’s not as simple as telling someone to just “love yourself” when you haven’t been
reinforcing that message your whole life. As I stared into that mirror and embarked on my
journey to self-love (which I am still on, don’t get it twisted), I discovered some strategies to help
rewire my brain:

Calming my mind. On average, 70,000 thoughts pop into our minds each day, and
most of us tend to cling to the negative ones. Seneca’s quote, “We suffer more often in
imagination than in reality,” is so true. Overthinking and spiraling into negative thoughts
was a big problem for me, so I sought out books and podcasts to help calm my mind.

Meditation. I initially thought meditation was about not thinking at all, but it’s really about
allowing thoughts to enter your mind and learning to gently push them away. It’s not
about shutting down your brain but about not holding onto every thought.

Affirmations. It felt silly at first to look in the mirror and say affirmations, but there’s
something to it. I set a reminder on my phone to say three affirmations every 30 minutes:
“I am at peace, I am patient, I am in control of my thoughts and my emotions.” It might
sound excessive, but it helped me take control of my thoughts without letting my
emotions overrun them.

Journaling. I’ve tried to journal, though it’s still a work in progress. I’m not much into
writing, and by the end of the day, I often feel too tired to journal my feelings. But I’m
getting there.

Consistency is key to all of this. The self-discipline to keep going, knowing that the end results
are worth it, is what keeps me motivated. This is hard work, and that cannot be stated enough.
While I shared these strategies, it’s not just that easy. You have to believe these things at your
core to make a change.

I heard something on TikTok the other day about how people change in four different seasons:
1) When they hurt enough, they have to.
2) When they see enough, they’re inspired to.
3) When they learn enough, they want to.
4) When they receive enough, they’re able to.

I am no good to anyone if I don’t love myself first, so I am putting in the work. If you’re not there
yet or are on your journey, you’ve got this. And that’s the beauty of it.